The Craziest of The Crazy
by WishIWasABennet
Summary: Edward takes Bella out for dinner, and they encounter the craziest of crazy waitresses. Edward x Bella. One-Shot. Please read and review!


A\N: In the Twilight Saga, Bella mentions that whenever she and Edward go out, waitresses usually throw themselves at him. This is about the craziest of crazy waitresses. Post Eclipse, Pre Breaking Dawn. ExB One-Shot. R&R

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. (: I ****wish**** I owned Seth though.******** I don't own the waitress either because I don't want to. **

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I tugged at the bottom of my dark blue blouse, and smoothed over the creases of my knee length black skirt. I sighed, and flopped onto my bed, feeling somewhat annoyed. I don't get why I even bothered dressing up; I was going to look plain next to him no matter how much time I spent on my appearance.

My fiancé, Edward Cullen, was taking me out to dinner tonight as a "thank you for not leaving me after I disassembled a maniac, psycho vampire right in front of you" type date. I'm pretty sure that the whole thank you thing was an excuse for him to spend money on me (something I absolutely object against), but I hadn't realized this until after I had accepted; stupid vampires, and their clever, deceiving tricks.

I heard a light tap on the door. I hurried out of my room, and down the stairs just as Charlie had let Edward in. As I descended the last step, my right foot tripped over my left. So much for a graceful entrance, I thought to myself.

I got up quickly, and smiled somewhat sheepishly at Edward. He chuckled, and returned it with one of his dazzling smiles, that made my heart skip a few beats. I walked over beside him, and turned to Charlie.

"'Bye Dad. I won't be out too late," I told him with a slightly impish grin. Charlie forced a smile back; he had promised to try and like Edward more, but he was still a bit apprehensive.

"Have fun kids," he responded, "No later than 10:30," he added, as he gave me a hug good bye. I nodded, and opened the door, Edward following. We walked to his silver Volvo, and he opened the door for me. I smiled as he gracefully went around the front of the car to the driver's side. I could never seem to get over the way he walked so gracefully.

Edward held my hand as he drove to Port Angeles. Once we were inside the city's limits, Edward drove up to Bella Italia. I attempted to hide my grin, but was unsuccessful. This was the place where we had, in truth, had our very first date together; the same night all the walls had gone down, and I had found out what Edward was.

Edward turned to me, smiling as he received my pleased reaction. "Are you happy to be back, love?" he asked, releasing the full force of his topaz eyes on me. I merely nodded, and smiled, unable to respond verbally without the chance of incoherency.

Edward got out his door, and came around to open mine. I smiled, and took his hand as we walked into the restaurant together. The male host took us to a booth; quite near the one we had dined in previously, gave us our menus, and told us that our server would be with us shortly.

I looked down at my hands, and began twiddling with them nervously; I could feel the blood pooling in my cheeks, making them red with blush. I often found my blushes blending in with one another whenever I was in Edward's presence.

"This brings back quite a few memories," Edward commented with a crooked smile. I looked up, and smiled. That night was one of the best nights in my life, I liked knowing there were no secrets between Edward, and I.

I heard heels clicking, and turned to see a waitress approaching our table. She had bleached blond hair, light brown eyes, and was about 5'5. She wore heavy eye shadow, blush, and smelt a bit like cotton candy. Her black shirt looked like she made it more low cut, and she seemed to have taken a few inches off of her skirt. Her heels seemed to be about 5 inches. (Something I could _never _wear out of fear for my life.)

"Hi," she said, in a high, girly voice, as she popped a bubble of the gum she was chewing, "My name is Sabrina, and I will be your waitress tonight." Sabrina fluttered her eyelashes at Edward. "Can I get you anything?" she asked. She bent a little closer to Edward, and whispered, "Like my number?"

I smirked, assuming that she thought I couldn't hear. Edward squirmed, looking a bit uncomfortable. I shot him a sympathetic smile, and said, "A coke and the mushroom ravioli, please." She turned to me, and narrowed her eyes. I put my left hand on the table, giving her a clear view of my wedding ring. I don't think it did anything, because she smiled coyly at Edward, and walked off.

Edward groaned. "That was horrible." I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. She kind of made me think of Mike. The only difference being that Mike knew when to stop, and this Sabrina girl had no idea.

A few minutes later, she sashayed over to our table. She hoisted herself onto the headboard that separated our booth from the one behind Edward, and said, "Your food will be a minute." Sabrina popped her gum, and moved her hand over top of Edward's shoulder slowly. She rested it there casually, trying to appear subtle.

Edward shrugged his shoulder subtly, trying to remove her hand. Sabrina didn't take the hint, and kept her hand on its spot on Edward's shoulder. "Uh, could you maybe check on Bella's food?" he asked, trying to get her away from him, while still being polite. Sabrina nodded, and shot me a death glare.

She hopped off of her perch on the headboard, and sauntered back to kitchen. Edward wore a somewhat disgusted expression. I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. Sabrina's antics were somewhat amusing. About ten minutes later, I watched Sabrina walked out of the kitchen.

She took a swig of the coke she carried, gargled it, and spit it back in. I also noticed her spit a bit of her saliva into the ravioli, loosing her gum in the process. Sabrina shrugged it off, and carried it to our table. She put the glass of coke, and plate of ravioli in front of me with a smug, self-satisfied smile on her face.

Sabrina retook her place behind Edward, and grinned widely. She ran her fingers through Edward's hair. I grabbed my fork, and played around with the ravioli. I didn't really want to actually digest her gum, or saliva.

"Um, Edward… I don't feel very well. Do you mind if we, er, leave?" I asked. Edward shot me a grateful look, and turned to Sabrina. Her lips turned into a pout as she took her hands out of his hair.

She jumped down, and took the bill out of the apron. Sabrina plopped it on the table. Edward, and I stood up as he put the amount of money to pay for the meal. Sabrina picked it up, and whispered, "If you ever want a _real _night out, be sure to call me up." With that she sauntered away. I picked up the coke, and took a sip, forgetting my earlier observation of her spitting in it earlier.

I dropped it like a hot potato when I remembered, and started choking on my gags. Edward helped me out of the restaurant, and I went over to the side of the sidewalk, and vomited. Edward wore a concerned expression.

"I suppose you weren't just faking," he commented, somewhat nervous for health. I vomited the rest of the contents of my stomach, and looked up at him with a big frown on my face.

"She…spit……soda," I choked out, as I coughed. Edward glared in the direction of the restaurant. The cell phone in his pocket started ringing, and he answered it.

"Hello?" Edward asked wearily, and still somewhat irritated. "Yeah, here she is," he said, hanging me the phone. I took it with my right hand, still clutching my stomach with my left hand, and pressed it to my ear.

"Hi?" I asked in a scratchy voice. My throat was sore from throwing up.

"I'm sorry I didn't warn you about the waitress." Alice apologized, remorse filling her voice. I heard Emmett ask what happened in the background. After Alice explained to him, I heard his booming laugh through the phone.

"It's alright, Alice. I am quite certain we could have had worse," I told her. I noticed Edward shudder as he imagined the possibilities. I said goodbye to Alice, hung up the phone, and handed it to Edward. I shuddered, and Edward helped me into the Volvo.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively. He turned to me, and gave me a small smile, encouraging me to go on. "Maybe next time we should just order out?" He laughed, and we went home. I was incredibly glad that there wasn't a good chance of seeing that waitress in the future. I am quite certain that if we ever did, Edward might have to avenge my murder.

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**A\N: I hoped you liked my little crazy one-shot. That Sabrina chick scares the hell out of me. o.o Anyways, please, please review, and tell me what you think. ******


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